Have you ever struggled with self-confidence?
When I was growing up I didn’t know what self-confidence was. I would even say that I only began to understand what it meant to have confidence when I was around 22 years old..
I saw other people and automatically wanted what they had. I focused on what I didn’t have rather than the qualities I already possessed. I would go along with things that made me uncomfortable, give in to peer pressure, considered myself a “type A” people pleaser, and I would do things to look “cool” rather than being me.
Looking back, I would even try to fit into clothes and trends that were completely not me. My parents would try to nudge me in the better direction, tell me how great I looked when I had outfits on that truly showed my better qualities and more. I never listened.
This turned into a major battle in my head to find confidence. Because if you don’t believe in yourself, who’s going to?
Today I ran through a few journal prompts about confidence and I was blown away by my reaction and answers. I’ve always known how crazy it sounds to do the things I listed above, but to rewire and see how far I’ve come is what shook me most.
Today I am a woman that understands how much more powerful it is to work with what you have and feed your OWN traits. Is it an uncomfortable journey? Yes. Absolutely. But it’s worth every ounce of effort put into it.
What did I do to change my mindset? I made a list:
1. Face the facts: Something I told myself a few years back was that I shouldn’t be forcing myself into something that doesn’t feel right. Yes, that sounds obvious but think about it in a way of re-molding your mind into a new way of thinking.
For example; every time I would go into a change room to try on clothes I would ask myself, is this truly me?? Did I see this on someone else and want it? Is my ego getting involved? Why do I think this looks good on me? Does it fit MY body type??
Not going to lie this was hard. That’s why I call it “facing the facts”, because showing up as your truest self and not giving in to the bombarding social constructs, the pressure, the pain of possibly not fitting in is tough.
2. Put in the work: “All confidence is acquired, developed. No one is born with confidence. Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, have acquired their confidence, every bit of it.”
When you turn your mind on autopilot what will it do? Will you wake up early, will you get your workout in, will you do things that are GOOD for you? Or will you turn to the easier route that may lead to a negative outcome?
This is where the hard part comes in. Making sacrifices that will better your life. YOU have the ability to change your mind self but are you up for the task?? Understanding that you have to re-wire your mind to a new way of thinking and setting time aside to better yourself is huge. This may mean that you skip out on the party you promised to go to because you promised YOURSELF that you would get up early to go for a run. See what I’m trying to get at here??
The promise you make to YOURSELF is a whole lot more important than the promises you make to others that may not understand what’s best for you.
3. Find someone who’s done it: If you’re wanting to be a pro athlete, you don’t ask someone that’s never played a sport for advice to get there... You do your research, find someone that’s been there and try to get in their shoes. What do they do when they wake up in the morning? How do they find their focus? What is important to them??
Now I’m not saying to copy and paste someone else’s life. But with this technique, you can trial and error new routines, new ways to push yourself, and when you feel comfortable with the balance, it will start building that confidence you’ve been looking for.
4. Find a passion that pushes you: Mine was fitness. Trying out a new skill, failing, and getting back on the horse is so rewarding. Not in the “you get a prize” sense, but in building trust within yourself.
I found that when I built up trust within myself, I found more confidence each and every day. I was building a foundation on something that I did myself. This wasn't anyone else's journey, this was mine. It was up to me to create my own balance, hard work, and grit to show myself that I could. Working out was a way to show myself the respect I deserved alongside pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone. At the end of the day, I did something to make myself better.
We could get into all the science behind why exercise is incredible for your mental health as well but I bring it all back to this: When you do something to makes you want to quit, but keep going, that creates respect. When you surpass a goal that you didn't think you could reach, that creates confidence. Breaking this down into fitness -- test yourself to get one more rep or get a little faster and see what it can change for your mind.
5. Give yourself time. Time, patience, love, and rewiring. Remind yourself that this won’t come overnight. It will take hard work and dedication over a long period of time. Think about learning a new language. You definitely don’t get it in a day, and you can forget it over time if you don’t keep practicing.
Tears may be shed, but understand that you are on a journey to a higher place. Somewhere where you will look back on the days, being uncomfortable in unsuited circumstances and smile because you made it. And you deserve every ounce of confidence.
That confidence is an energy that people cannot resist. It glows, you glow when you have it, and when you walk into a room, people feel it.